Basically, I’m writing this to high school seniors (and others who have college in their near future) that plan to live on campus in a dorm. I’m going to be blatantly honest about my experience living in a dorm with people I’ve never met before. I’m going to tell you my entire story (well, the story so far), so you don’t end up making the same mistakes I did. Honesty is the best policy.
When I applied to Upstate, I was told I had a single room in Magnolia House, which is the brand-new house right next to mine. I thought all was well, and was happy with everything, until I never got a rooming assignment. Well, turns out, somehow my email got screwed up, and when I finally received my housing assignment, they had put me in a double room in Palmetto House. I didn’t know it was a double room at first, because the assignment was a little confusing to read, and I was just excited to meet my new roommates. I found all three of them on facebook, and we all hit it off. We sent messages back and forth to each other about what to buy and how excited we were to meet each other. We even talked about how well we’d get along and everything. I was so excited to meet these girls! Until one day, my mom reviewed the assignment again, and when everything got clarified by the Housing Office, I found out that I was in a double room. For those of you who don’t know me, I have A.D.D. and I really can’t function in a double room. I just didn’t need the distraction in my first year of college…so, my mom and I went to the Housing Office and got everything cleared up. My final room assignment ended up being a single room in Palmetto House.
I tried to find the other girls on facebook, but I could only find one at first. I got her phone number and we started to text. She and I didn’t really hit it off like my other roommates did, but I tried to stay positive about everything. My anxiety grew as the weeks until move-in day passed by. I was so worried about fitting in. I’d ask, “What if they don’t like me?”, or, “What if we don’t get along?” so many times. And, soon enough, move-in day arrived.
Moving in was a blur. My stomach was in knots as my family, boyfriend, and I walked down the hall to see my new room. I tried my best to shake off the stress, because I’m not a shy person, and I’m never afraid of meeting new people. When I met the three girls, they all seemed really nice. One girl was calm and sweet (call her Girl A), and her good friend was really loud, hyper, and super funny (we’ll call her Girl B). The other girl in the room directly next to mine was funny, too, and we talked a good bit in the beginning (call her Girl C). As everything settled in, I was the nicest person that I could possibly be to all three of them. I bought things for the room and my mom and I decorated the living area. Somehow, though, I wasn’t really getting the same warm-and-fuzzy feeling in return. Every time they gathered for a conversation, I’d go join in with them…or at least try. Two of them would sit on the couch, one in the chair, and I’d occupy the cold tile floor. Of course, the couch is made for three people to fit comfortably, but I was never offered a seat on it, and I didn’t want to be rude like, “Move so I can sit here” , so I just sat on the floor. Now, whenever I joined in a conversation, it would usually only last about 5 minutes before, one by one, the girls would get up and go to their rooms and shut the door. But the conversations they have without me can last up to an hour or more. I was beginning to feel out of the loop, but I was determined not to give up on being friends with them. So, I just kept my normal, nice routine….and tried to ignore the fact that it was so awkward to engage in a conversation with them. Until the day that everything changed.
One day the girl in the room next to mine (girl C) had her guy friend over, and they were hanging out in the living area with the rest of my roommates. When I came back from class, I went to my room, put all my stuff down, and went to join them. Of course, there were not two, but three people on the couch, and one in the chair, leaving me with the floor once again. I sat down and tried to pick up in the conversation. About halfway through, Girl B and Girl A began whispering and giggling on the couch together. Girl B gets a look on her face and says to Girl A, “Hey, let me tell you a secret. We’ll go in your room.” So, Girl A & B get up and go to Girl A’s room. Girl C then shouts, “Hey! I like secrets, too!” and heads for the room, leaving me and Girl C’s guy friend. He then says, “Well, I don’t want to be out here alone!!” and goes in with the three girls. And guess what? They shut the door. There was no, “Hey, Mally, we’ll be out in a minute, ok?” or, “Hey Mally, you come too!”. There wasn’t even a, “Hey Mally, we hate you and we want to get away from you, but we’re at least going to tell you we’re going to shut this door.” Nothing. Nada. They shut the door, and I sat there on the cold tile floor kind of dumbfounded & confused. I thought, “Um…okayyy….” got up, and went to my room. I kept my door open for a while, -almost half-expecting someone to come out and see my door open and say, “Hey, sorry about that.” I wouldn’t have even asked for an explanation. A “Sorry” would have sufficed. But, instead, when they finally emerged, all four of them left the room without any hesitation. I shut my door and didn’t come out for a while.
Of course, that wasn’t the only incident. One day when I was trying to take a nap in my room, Girl B comes back from class and begins babbling on about something or other. The walls in our dorm are really thin, so you can definitely hear people talking, but I could hear every single word she was saying. I saw that she had some boy with her when I came out of my room to use the bathroom after she had woke me up. I went back in my room and laid back on my bed. She went on with her conversation, as equally loudly as before. The guy mumbled something (I couldn’t even hear him but could hear her?), and I heard her say, “Oh yeah. Her mom came in here and put up all these weird decorations and shit. Yeah, it’s weird.” I instantly jumped out of bed and stormed to my door. I put my hand on the doorhandle, but when I went to fling it open, a little voice said to me, “Mally, it’s a bad idea to cause drama with the people you live with.” For some reason, I listened to that little voice and backed away from my door, and went fuming back to bed. When she still wouldn’t shut up, I got up, put some clothes on, and left for a while to cool off. I still believe that little voice in my head saved her life that day. It saved me from choking her to death.
Now, I mentioned that Girl B is loud. And yes, by the previous paragraph, you know that she’s loud. I’ve proven it. There will be nights when she will be in her room with her door closed, and I’m in my room with my door closed, and despite the fact that we are one room away, I can still hear her conversations coherently. Of course, I can get pretty loud myself, but since we all have different schedules, I’m always respectful of the other girls. I’m very careful not to be loud and slam doors….but the favor isn’t really returned by her. The sad part is, I used to be intimidated by this girl. She’s the cheerleader type, with a high pitched voice and an attitude that loves the center of attention. You know, those girls aren’t my favorite types of people in the world, but I knew I could learn to deal with it. Like I said before, I tried so hard to be friends with all three of these girls, especially her. Because if you know that type of girl, you know she tends to have a certain level of control of her friends. Her friends tend to have the same opinions she does, but only when she’s around. I can’t quite grasp why I was so intimidated by her at first. I guess I can just blame it on her personality, because those girls seem to have a sort of spell on everyone they talk to, and I was a victim of it at first. Nonetheless, all these “incidents” I’m talking about now have given me a huge wake up call. Never once have I complained about her being loud and obnoxious, and I really don’t plan to. I’m just going to write about it.
Since those incidents, I’ve stopped trying to join in conversations more. All three of them constantly leave me out of things…sometimes they’ll go to the store together or to lunch or dinner together…but never once have I gotten an invitation to go anywhere. Every time I walk in from class and they’re all sitting in the living room, the glares on their faces seem to say, “Do you still live here?” I’ve actually started to look forward to weekends, not because I don’t have classes, but because all three of them are usually gone. On weekends, I can walk into my dorm and not have to wonder if I was just being talked about behind my back. And I know the little “Queen B” talks about me, just like she talks about everyone else. People will come into our room, and, when they leave, she’ll give her personal opinion about whoever it was. (She’s also a communications/journalism major, but I can tell you right now with that attitude she’ll never make it) One girl who was actually supposed to be in my previous room knew Girl B and they started hanging out. They seemed to be growing really close, until one day Girl B was sitting in the living room complaining about her lack of “true friends”. She began talking about how her new friend was annoying to her because she had ADD. I actually contemplated sending this girl a message on facebook and warning her what a fake ass friend she just made, but I didn’t. I just sat there and listened….wondering if I was the only person that was starting to see through her bullshit.
Just yesterday, I was laughing inside my room at something another girl said, and Girl B was in the living room imitating my laugh, but putting a dumb “har-har” on it to clearly indicate that her imitation was less than friendly.
Girl B is no doubt the center of attention of our room…and I know I’ve been talking about her like she’s a bad person. Well, she’s not a bad person. Basically, in my opinion, she has a serious immaturity issue. The way I see it, she’s still living in high school with so much drama in her life, and has no real respect for other people. She picks certain people that she likes, and certain people she hates.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I started this off with a warning. You’re probably saying to yourself, “So what? You got some crappy roommates you weren’t compatible with and your life sucks now. Why do I care?” Well, even if you don’t, you should consider caring. The University had a day for residential students in which we could switch rooms with other people if we didn’t like our current roommates. I considered taking part in that, but it was so early in the semester and I was still trying to make things work. My advice to you is that if you even think for one second that your roommates might not be a good match for you, switch when you get the opportunity. It might seem a little senseless because you just got settled into a new room, but your decision could make or break your freshman year. To this day, I regret not taking that opportunity when it was offered to me.
Honestly, I blame this room problem for being part of the reason I don’t feel like I belong at Upstate. I know for a fact that if I had roommates I enjoyed being with and who weren’t cold and inconsiderate, my freshman year would have been so much better. Granted, I still have the rest of this semester and next semester with them, and things could very well change in between now and the end of the school year. I have one little bit of optimism and hope left for making things work, but for now, I’m giving up. I’ve tried so hard for these past months now to be so nice and friendly, but all I get in return are cold glares and being left out of the loop even more. I just don’t understand what I did wrong….is there such a thing as being too nice?
Granted, there have been a few (very very few, not even a handful) of times the other two girls have been nice and cordial with me. However, this only happens when Girl B is not around. It seems that when she’s around, the other two just fall in her shadow and follow her. Despite the fact that they probably know her demeanor isn’t very nice sometimes, neither of them says or does anything to stop her, which is basically condoning it (to me, anyways).
So, this is a warning to take action in your freshman year to avoid having a crappy one. I never thought that the people I live with could have such a negative impact on my opinion of my first year, but I was definitely wrong. The other three girls are planning on living together in an apartment off campus next year (but, what a surprise, they never asked me what my plans are. I of course, would have said “hell no”, but it’s the thought that counts) but I’m still stuck here for another semester. I feel like an outcast, despite the fact that I’ve made friends in most of my classes. These friends are really great, but the only problem is they are commuters, which means they don’t live on campus, and don’t have a meal plan, and don’t eat in the cafeteria. So, I’m basically stuck in a rut. My friends are constantly putting up happy pictures on facebook of their wonderful roommates and talk about how much fun they’re having at college, and how much they love where they’re at. I never dreamed I’d be the person who ended up having a shitty first year, but here I am. My family and I went to countless “preview days” at colleges and prepared so much and so hard to ensure that I really belonged at the college I enrolled in….and it feels like all of that was for nothing. I’m pretty unhappy here, I’m not going to lie about it, but I think I can deal with just one more semester after this one. I’m just warning all of those who read this: if your roommates can’t appreciate who you are, and if they’re mean or rude, get out of that room as soon as you can. You won’t regret it, I promise. Sadly, even though I really can’t deal with a double room, I wish I would have stayed in the first housing assignment, because at least those girls seemed happy to know me.
Well, this is all I’ve got for now. This article or journal or whatever you want to call it isn’t perfect by any means..I’m not even going to read over it when I finish it. I’m just going to publish it and forget about it. I’m done ranting for now, and I might add on later, but I’m done now. I know there are grammar mistakes and parts that don’t make sense, but oh well. Peace.
). although everyone was standing outside complaining and bitching, it seemed to have a sort of bonding effect on the whole house. we all shared stories about waking our roommates up and how we all got downstairs in time. although i’d rather it not happen again, the whole experience was kind of fun (but only a little bit). next time, though, i think i’ll just stay in bed and tell them to let me burn.
another interesting part of college life i thought i’d share with you is laundry. the hard part about living in a dorm is the lack of washers and dryers. there are three of each at the end of our hall, and our hall has LOTS of girls on it. so you can probably imagine that it’s pretty hard to get a washer and dryer. the washing machines are SUPER small, and the dryers are about twice the size inside, which really doesn’t make any sense. you’re supposed to use “high efficiency” detergent, but i definitely don’t and my clothes come out just fine. some people also won’t get their laundry on time, so, in order to get the machine, you end up having to take their clothes out (underwear and socks included..ew) and set them on top of the machine. i haven’t actually done this yet, because i’m afraid to cause drama, haha. a good majority of the population of Upstate is african american, and i’m not discriminating or being racist in any way, but to many of the african american girls, a white girl bustin up in the laundry room and moving her clothes is just begging to be beat down. haha, it’s not really that bad actually, because i’ve met so many nice girls of different races here. once again, another reason it’s different from high school.
